Martha Stewart takes Home Depot.

So, I ventured out to my local Home Depot to get some paint for the bathroom.  The LOML and I are freshening up his condo in anticipation of my imminent marital move-in, and are trying to make it all spiffy for the visiting family that will stop by during the wedding festivities.  (Sidenote:  Shocked that I don’t actually live there yet?  A surprising number of people are.)

Anyway.  Paint.  We have done a lot of painting while renovating the 80s-heavy decor of this condo.  The previous owner was a sweet, older lady whose taste ran to floral wallpaper and peach walls.  We like Ralph Lauren, and all of his glorious paint techniques.  Have you ever painted a Ralph Lauren wall?  It requires a degree in taste, and 40 hours of college level technique to perfect.  We slap that stuff on all horizontal surfaces like Ralph is coming to dinner, and consider ourselves to be pretty damn fancy for mastering the art of “sueding” anything that will stand still.

I am whistling a little Ralph-lovin’ tune as I skip on up to the corner of the paint chip display owned by Mr. Lauren, and I realize…Martha Stewart has taken over.  Now, I love me some Martha, but… WTF?  I need to faux finish in a way that requires rollers crafted from fine, rare woods.  And I can’t.

Ralph has been discontinued, and I am lost.

Martha’s colors are lovely, of course, and are named by her minions to be as specific about how awesome Martha’s life is as possible.  You can literally pick ANY chip (Cornbread, Nimulus Cloud, Weathered Martha Boots) and write an article for her magazine in two seconds.  It’s a little magical, and hilarious enough (to me) to cause a snorting laughter fit in the paint aisle.  I have to admit, Martha OWNS, and I wish I had a brand that strong for myself.

I need to figure that one out, and start working on an empire, stat.

Sadly, I went with Behr, because giggling doesn’t help you paint a bathroom, but I am inspired.  I think…


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